Well blow me down, if Noel Gallagher hasn’t struck (yet another) own-goal.
As someone who has always championed his wit and acerbic charm, I have to say his latest bouts of commentary have struck as the kind of shallow, backward analysis that swaggers 1994 – festering in a Brit Pop broom cupboard alongside Chris Evans, a crate of Hooch and a DD Wonderbra.
Which is a real surprise, because I totally agreed with his previous comments on the aggressive, negative and disgustingly misogynistic elements that so often overshadow rap and hip-hop. I totally agreed with his opinions on 50 Cent when he brilliantly pointed out the blazingly obvious: “I just don’t like the dragging women around on dog leads and all that stuff.”
But who could’ve predicted that when Jay-Z was announced as this year’s Glastonbury headliner, the UK would’ve indulged itself in such a blatant racist backlash that defied any proper sense or reasoning. Hoards of white middle class indie scenesters heckling out against the rapper as if Take That had been confirmed as Saturday night’s entertainment on the Pyramid Stage.
Black hip-hop at Glastonbury? Send out the troops! Lest we forget that Glastonbury is all about defying categorisation and stereotype – unfortunately it seemed like the festival’s fans had become the stereotype, wrapped up in a indie bubble, refusing to look past the ends of their own converse.
At the forefront of the battalion was Noel Gallagher himself – master and commander. Talk about a let-down, hearing him clumsily airing his views, ruffling his plumage amidst a chorus of “no chance.” Not least because I’ve always deemed Noel as the anecdotal godfather of the music world: Always sharp, devastatingly witty, acerbically dynamite and usually spot on. (A particular Gallagher gem for me is his quote about Beach Boys only selling records cause they’re next door to Beatles in HMV? Genius.)
Then Jay-Z mock-swaggered on stage strumming away to Wonderwall. Game over.
So, it is with great amusement that I read Noel’s latest comments – backtracking spectacularly to the beat of Jay-Z’s drum.
“For the record, I Iike Jay-Z,” he said. “That’s my opinion. If it offends people, don’t ask me any more questions. I should do these things and answer like every two-bit pop star.”
A case of eating a slither of humble pie, Noel?
Which brings me onto my real intentions for writing this blog. My top five classic Noel quotes (I still love him really):
1. “[I doubt] one of these guys from the G8 is on a quick 15-minute break at Gleneagles and sees Annie Lennox singing ‘Sweet Dreams’ and thinks … ‘She might have a point there, you know?’ ”
2. “I’m not like John Lennon, who thought he was the great Almighty. I just think I’m John Lennon.”
3. ”Sure I love Liam, but not as much as I love Pot Noodles.”
4. ”Next year I hope to get a stalker or two because I don’t belive you’ve arrived until you get a stalker.”
5. Forte Crest Hotel. Glasgow. April 17, 1994. ALL OF IT.
